So these two past weeks have been very hectic to me. I have just been going through some personal family issues. I've been avoiding my friends. I'm growing distant from them and I don't want that to happen. I mean, I feel as if I don't like people to pity me or try to comfort me. I am my own person who likes to take care of my own needs. It would be very seldom that I let people know my true feelings or about my personal life. I hope I could get guidance from God because I really need the strength to overcome life's obstacles. I feel as no one understands me, particularly my friends. I am not saying they are not great because I appreciate all they have done for me. I just have a different outlook of life than the majority of them. So when all they care about is "I want this bag from Coach" or "do you think these name brand jeans look great on me", is just a way that my mind wonders and I start to appreciate what life in general means to me. Life is more than money, clothes, cars, handbags, shoes, and all that unnecessary expenses. Life is about finding out your purpose here on Earth! I value the life I am given each day. I don't take things for granted because I have a thing called empathy. There's so much things that I've been through and I thank God for it, no matter if it was me suffering, because he gave me the opportunity to open up my eyes and see my life in a different way. I am not a perfect person, nor do I ever want to be. I just want a second chance to start over. But what's done in the past can't be replaced. My life would be pointless if I didn't have my near-death experience when I had my car accident and the times where I wanted to give up and tried to commit suicide because life was hard when I was young. But I’ve been connecting with my thoughts lately and I wouldn’t change one word with the testimonial I’m about to type. You know, day by day passes and time truly does fly. These seconds eventually turn into minutes, then hours, and then days. Days that you CANNOT get back. So maybe you live your life with regrets, or carelessly. Or even unstructured. For the longest, I never knew what my purpose of me living this on earth was. But when I’m in sync with my spiritual side. I have to forgive myself for ever thinking that my problems were grand and difficult than others. And then I thought, my problems don’t amount to one bit to the burden Jesus had on his shoulders when he carried that cross. I am thankful for what I have, for the blessings I received, and for food on the table. Even the struggles I had to endure. I have to realize that it could be worse. I’m grateful! I had lost a new edition to my family, a beautiful baby girl who was a miracle child. I like to hide my emotions but it's tearing me up inside. I don't like to see my family mourn or in pain. It's by the most rockiest year I had encountered. But I know that she's in a better place. Today was her funeral service. It was beautiful and intimate. I had to restrain myself from shedding tears, but I couldn't help myself. That little baby is my inspiration! She fought for her life and managed to stay alive the 9 days she did. Only God knows why things happen and I don't question him. I just give condolences to my dear cousin. Sigh, I was hoping I wouldn't break down, but luckily I didn't. I read a sweet poem for my cousin and told her and her husband some encouraging words. I don't know what it's like to lose a child. I could only imagine the pain she goes through. But nonetheless, I'm thankful for life because it could end at any moment. I have faith and I hope that I could be a positive person all the time and live right. But I hate the fact that I'm avoiding my friends. Some know and text me, but I don't respond. Some don't know because they don't like to be involved in something that doesn't concern them. I just need space. I am even surprised that I'm still managing to do YouTube videos. I am not in the right mind state but I feel happy when I interact on YouTube. It's not okay for me to ignore my friends, but I need space. I need to be alone and think things out. I don't think it's appropriate to just act like everything is so jolly and okay because it's not. I will have to apologize soon and hope they didn't get offended. But truly, deep down inside, I don't have one friend that I could truly say I could relate to. I always ask God to help me find someone who is just like me and thinks like me. Because people always say that I am wise. I'm just realistic and care about different things rather than irrelevant things that I could care less about. I have my head geared the right direction and I hope I could be a changed person. That's why I wish all humans on this Earth would know the meaning of peace and change. You NEVER know what a person is going through, even though they don't show it, it's better to not scrutinize or hurt them because it affects them! And I'm generally speaking, but I hope you guys understand and bare with me.
With love ♥
Dear Feathered Owl,
